John McClane on the Enterprise
by korvascus
Summary: John McClane finds himself aboard the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC-1701 D
1. Chapter 1

If people had known they might have been quite shocked, but John McClane was a huge fan of Star Trek: The Next Generation. It was a short while after the events at Dulles International Airport and he was getting ready to watch the latest episode. His wife Holly had the kids in California for a few weeks which was just fine with John. The microwave beeped and he pulled out a now hot pizza. He then grabbed a beer from the fridge.

Walking into the den he put the pizza and beer onto the coffee table next to his gun and grabbed the remote.

Sitting in his old beat up easy chair he aimed the remote and fired. And nothing happened. He pressed the button several more times and still nothing happened. "Shit!" he exclaimed as he got up to turn the TV on manually. A few seconds later he was back in his chair just in time for the show to start.

Riker was in the transporter room with Geordi and Chief O'Brien.

"All right commander," O'Brien was saying. "The new calibrations are complete."

"Then let's see what this thing can do," Riker responded. "Energize."

John was just reaching for his first slice of pizza when he felt the most peculiar sensation, and the room started fading around him. After half a second or so the room resolidified.

"That didn't seem to work," Riker replied casually.

"Try turning up the gain," Geordi recommended. "This new setting relies heavily on the secondary power loop which isn't as strong as the primary one."

"Already ahead of you commander," O'Brien replied.

John McClane was only thirty five years old, but he had a feeling that with the stress of a few months ago, he might be cracking anyway. For some reason, he was under the impression that he was the item being beamed onto the Enterprise. The momentary dislocation he had felt a moment ago further justified such thoughts. He could see that they were about to try again. Frantically he reached for the remote hoping that if he could turn the tv off in time he'd be fine. He aimed and… nothing. The remote of course, wasn't working. Feeling the now familiar tingling sensation, he panicked and grabbed for his gun, just as the room dematerialized around him.

**[Paragraph Break]**

Riker stared at the shock stricken man on the transporter pad who was dressed in jeans, work boots and a wifebeater. "Well, it looks like it worked, but this is not at all what I was expecting."


	2. Chapter 2

John had just experience the shock of his life, but he was also a fifteen year veteran of the police force and his training kicked in automatically. It didn't matter that his mind was screaming at him that he was currently occupying a fictional universe. He had just been abducted, and that required immediate action.

He pulled his hand from behind his back, his gun firmly grasped within it, and pointed it right at Riker, the man he knew to be in charge. "What the Hell is going on here?" He growled.

Riker's hands shot up as he became aware of the weapon in the man's hands. An antique no doubt, but certainly just as effective as a phaser. And Riker assumed there was no stun setting on this weapon.

"There seems to have been a mistake," Riker began, in a steady voice; only years of Star Fleet training allowed him to keep the fear from it. "We had no intention of beaming you up."

"Then beam me back down," John shouted.

"You heard the man," Riker said to O'Brien. "Beam him back down."

"Reversing the beam," O'Brien said as he started the transport.

"Uh oh," he said a moment later.

"What do you mean, "uh oh,'" the three other people in the room said simultaneously.

"The beam up seems to have burned out the secondary power loop. I think turning up the gain may have overloaded the system. The transporter is nonfunctional."

"What are you saying?" John shouted, anger rising in his voice.

Just then O'Brien activated the force field that surrounded the transporter platform. A force field they had for reasons just like this one.

Riker, who had been visibly sweating, relaxed and tapped his commbadge. "Security to transporter room three," he called out.

"What are you doing Riker?" John screamed again as he lowered his now useless weapon.

Riker started. "How do you know my name?" he asked the man on the transporter platform.

"Commander William Thomas Riker of the U.S.S. Enterprise NCC 1701-D," John said, drawing on his vast Star Trek knowledge.

"Just what the hell is going on here?" Riker said, just as Worf and his security team burst in.

* * *

Worf instantly evaluated the situation the moment he entered transporter room 3. There was an unfamiliar man on the transporter platform with some sort of weapon. He was behind a forcefield though, so was not an immediate threat.

Now that the situation had been assessed he looked to Riker. "Is everything okay Commander?"

Riker looked at Worf. He knew that everything the stranger had said was accessible in his public files with Starfleet, but the way he had said it made Riker feel as if the man knew him on a more personal level, as if the man knew as much about Riker as Riker knew about himself, and that scared the hell out of him. "Take him to the brig Lieutenant. I'll be down there shortly."

"Yes sir," Worf said as he raised his phaser at the man. "Mr. O'Brien, please lower the forcefield."

It was at that moment that Riker left the room with Geordi close behind.

"What went wrong?" he asked the chief engineer as they walked towards the nearest turbolift.

"As you know we had recalibrated the transporters in such a way as to safely increase their range by 14 percent."

"So what happened?" Riker demanded. "There are no other ships or planets within that range. We were aiming for a chair sized asteroid. How did we get that?" he said waving his arm back in the direction of the transporter room.

"I don't know, commander," Geordi said as Riker stepped into the 'lift. "But O'Brien and I will get right on it."

"Good," Riker said. "I'm going to let the captain know what just happened. As soon as you know anything let one of us know."  
"Yes sir," Geordi said as the 'lift doors closed.

He turned to go back to the transporter room. Technically his shift had just ended, but he had no intention of stopping until he and O'Brien figured this thing out.

* * *

After giving the captain a short briefing on their current situation, Riker found himself walking into the brig. For a reason unknown to his conscious mind, a chill ran down his spine when he saw the man sitting in his cell.

As Riker approached the cell's forcefield the man looked up.

"The first thing I want to know is what your name is," Riker asked the man.

"John McClane," came the response.

"Good," Riker replied. "Now the second thing I want to know is how you know mine."

John thought of telling the truth, that this mans' whole existence was nothing but a TV show to him, but thought better of it. They would no doubt think him insane if he tried that. And if he started using his knowledge of the crew and ship to back up his words, they'd no doubt think him a spy and send him to prison for good. So instead he said, "I recognized you from your file. I read it awhile back."

Riker was pretty sure John was lying to him. Something about this whole situation was just not sitting right with him. "Where were you right before we beamed you here?"  
"I was in my apartment in Brooklyn," John responded.

"Brooklyn, New York?" the man asked incredulously. "As in Earth?"

"Yeah, why?"

"At warp six, we're three and a half days from Earth; well out of transporter range."

"So how in the hell did I get here?" John asked.

"I don't know," Riker muttered under his breath. "Why did you draw a weapon on us back in the transporter room?" Riker asked.

"You abducted me. I felt threatened so I drew my gun."

"Would you have used it?" Riker inquired.

"Only if I needed to. I'm a cop, not a murderer."

Riker thought over John's answers for a minute. Two things were apparent to him: one if this man was telling the truth then this new transporter configuration was multiples more powerful than they could have ever hoped for and two, what they had on their hands was nothing more than a complete misunderstanding. He looked back at John. "I need to talk this over with my captain. Then we'll see about getting you out of here and back home."

"Gee, thanks," John said sarcastically to Riker's back as the commander left the brig.

"So you don't think this man is a threat?" Captain Jean-Luc Picard said from behind the desk in his ready room between sips of Earl Grey.

"No sir. He felt he was abducted."

"I suppose I also would have drawn my weapon if I found myself in a similar situation," the captain mused.

"Yes sir, as would I."

"Well then, it seems we have an obligation to get this man home."

"I agree sir."

Picard tapped his comm badge. "Ensign Carlyle, set in a course for Earth at warp six and engage."

"Aye sir," came the response.

"Will," Picard started, "See to it that our guests gets an apology and some quarters."

"Yes sir," Riker said.

* * *

"So we're on our way back to Earth?" John asked the black security guard who was escorting him to his temporary quarters.

"Yes sir," she responded. "We should arrive in approximately 83 hours."

"My boss is gonna chew me out for missing work."

"If you want, we can contact your work and apprise them of the situation."

John thought about that for a second. He was beginning to realize that he was going to have to tell someone about his predicament. The Earth they were returning to was twenty-fourth century Earth. Not quite where he wanted to be. He didn't think Lieutenant Derricks was the right person to tell however. "That's okay for now thanks," he said just as they stopped in front of a set of doors.

"These are your quarters sir," she said.

"Thanks," he replied. "Say," he shot after her as she started to walk away, "any idea when I'll get my gun back?"

"Your weapon will be returned to you before you leave the ship."

That was not the news he was hoping to hear. John hated to be without his gun. It was like the police officer's equivalent of a safety blanket. At least they were going to give it back to him at all. And anyway he doubted he'd need it before he left. _If I leave_, a small voice in the back of his head whispered ominously. There was always the possibility he was stuck here for good. A possibility he was not yet ready to dwell on.

* * *

The cabin that had been appointed to him was a standard Enterprise guest cabin from what he could recall from watching previous episodes. There was a bed, a computer desk with chair, a replicator, a bathroom, and a few other small accoutrements that could be found in moderately priced hotel rooms the galaxy over.

On the bed was a communicator pin that he had been told to put on, ostensibly so that they could keep in contact with him as he moved throughout the ship, but more likely so that they could track his movements.

He put it on just the same and then went to the replicator to have the dinner that had been so rudely interrupted earlier in the evening and in an alternate universe.

"Computer, may I have a hot cheese pizza with garlic, green pepper, mushroom and onions?"

There was a slight hum and within two seconds an amazing looking pizza had materialized before him.

_Way better than a microwave_, John thought to himself. He brought it over to the computer terminal and then went back for his beer.

"Computer, give me a Heineken."

"Please elaborate," the computer said pleasantly.

"Um, a beer," he tried again.

"Alcoholic beverages are not allowed on board active Starfleet vessels," the computer replied.

_Damn,_ he had forgotten about that. And tonight of all nights he most definitely needed one. He sighed and said "fine just a diet Coke then," and realized the computer probably wouldn't know what that was either. Surprisingly however, a cool glass of diet Coke appeared a second later. Pleasantly surprised, he took the glass and took a sip. _Refreshing as ever_, he thought as he walked back to his pizza.

As he took a bite a thought came into his head.

"Computer," he said, this time addressing the terminal before him, "what information do you have on a twentieth century television show called Star Trek?"

"There are no files that match your search parameters."

_Huh, _John thought.  
"What information do you have on a man named Gene Roddenberry from the twentieth century?"

"Working," the computer responded. Then a moment later, "there is one file that matches your search parameters."

"Let's see it," John said.

He took another bite of pizza as the information appeared on the screen.

'Eugene Wesley Roddenberry, born August 19th 1921- died April 28th 1942.'

This was interesting. John read on.

'Plane was shot down in the pacific theatre during World War II. Presumed dead, although no body was ever recovered.'

_So that's why there's no Star Trek in this universe. _Gene Roddenberry had died before he had ever had a chance to create the show.

John leaned back in his chair and yawned, his jaw cracking as he did so. The long day coupled with the pizza was conspiring to make him drowsy, and he started getting ready for bed. He still had to figure out how the hell he was going to get home, and whether anyone would actually believe his story in the first place.

But as his head hit the pillow, he decided such concerns could definitely wait for tomorrow.


	3. Chapter 3

John woke up momentarily disoriented. He wasn't in his bedroom. Then he remembered the events of the other day. Sitting up, he called out "lights," and the lights came on in his cabin. He smiled at this, quite thankful that he was so knowledgeable about the workings of the ship due to many years of watching the show. He wasn't the biggest fan of technology in the first place, and he'd have been quite lost if he didn't know how to work anything.

After taking his first ever sonic shower (which was quite invigorating), he replicated himself some breakfast and started thinking. Who could he present his dilemma to? Picard was the obvious answer, but would he believe him? Data was much more likely to believe anything, but the captain would still need to be convinced in the end if anything was to come of it. On the other hand, maybe he could find a solution without informing them of their fictional status. He could tell them he was from the past. Plenty of people had time traveled in this universe, so the idea would not seem so outlandish, especially considering the process that brought him here. Experimenting with the transporter was practically knocking on troubles door.

Besides, Dr. Crusher could run tests on his body and see that he was filled with toxins and pollutants not found in the air of twenty-fourth century Earth.

Confident that he had a solution, John reached for his comm badge to call the captain. His hand stopped before it tapped the badge however. He realized it might be a bit presumptuous to directly solicit the captain over the comm system, as he was just a guest here. Better to find someone to relay the message to him.

* * *

The captain had agreed to a meeting, but he was presently busy and it would be another two hours before it could commence. So with time to spare, John decided to explore the ship. He had seen it many times on television, but there where major differences when seeing it live. The biggest difference so far was the bathroom. One obviously knew that such things must exist, but he couldn't recall having ever seen one on the show. He was probably the first person to ever see a toilet on the Enterprise. Not that it was such a thrill. Other than a few sensors that did things like checking the PH balance of your urine, it was still just a toilet.

There were probably lots of places on the Enterprise that had never been seen and never would be seen by audiences. Places that were not essential to the show but that logic dictated must be there nonetheless. John was intent on seeing such places. It was like the best behind the scenes look ever. Except instead of cameras and actors, this was the real thing.

For all that John was looking to find undiscovered parts of the Enterprise, he still managed to find himself outside of Main Engineering a short while later. This bothered him not one bit, and with a bounce in his step and a grin on his face, he walked right in… and bumped right into Commander Data.

"I am sorry sir," Data began as he took a step back. He paused for a moment, slightly cocking his head as he looked at John. "You are the man we inadvertently transported to the ship are you not?"

"That's me," John said, trying hard not to grin like an idiot at meeting one of his favorite fictional characters.

"Then I am afraid you are not authorized to be here sir," Data said as he grabbed John by the arm and started leading him out of Engineering.

"Hey, what're you doing," John demanded as he was taken back to the corridor.

"Engineering is restricted to authorized personnel only," Data said by way of an explanation.

"I just wanted a look," John protested.

"I am afraid that at this time that is not possible. However, if you are intent on seeing it, perhaps when you meet with the captain later you can ask for a tour."

With that said, Data left John standing alone in the hall.

John still had a little time to spare before his meeting, so with a wistful look at the doors of engineering, he set off with an equally awesome destination in mind; the Holodeck.

Of course it was just his luck that he should get lost on the way. And when he finally got there, it was already in use. So, biting back his disappointment, he headed off towards the bridge for his meeting with Captain Picard.


	4. Chapter 4

"Mr. McClane, please sit down," Picard said as John walked into the captain's ready room. John's eyes focused on the bald man seated behind the desk. He had seen him sitting at that desk hundreds of times before, but this was his first time seeing it in person. It was exhilarating.

He managed to take a seat before Picard could start wondering why he was standing there staring at him.

"What can I do for you?" Picard asked him as he got settled.

"Well sir," John began, "I told Commander Riker earlier that I was in my apartment in Brooklyn right before I was beamed aboard your ship. That much is true. But what I neglected to mention…" John paused. Being at a loss for words was not something he was too familiar with, but at the moment, he was finding it quite difficult to say what he needed to say.

Picard could see the hesitation on John's face. "What are you trying to tell me Mr. McClane?" he prompted.

John bit the bullet. The worst that could happen was that Picard wouldn't believe him and might get angry at John for wasting his time.

"Well sir, when I woke up yesterday morning, the year was 1990."

"So what you're saying is that not only did we transport you from Earth," Picard began, "but we transported you from twentieth century Earth?"

"That's what I'm saying," John agreed. As he had imagined, Picard was actually considering what he had just said, rather than dismissing it as lunacy. In the 24th century he supposed, just about anything was possible.

Picard was about to say something when his comm badge interrupted him.

"Captain," Geordi said over the comm badge, "O'Brien and I have just finished diagnosing the transporter system, and you're not going to believe what we found."

"I'll be down in a minute Mr. LaForge," Picard responded.

He looked at John. "Would you care to join us?"

John didn't know if he'd understand anything they might discuss, but he figured it wouldn't hurt. So he shrugged his shoulders and said, "Sure, why not?"

Picard stood and headed for the door with John right behind him. As they entered the bridge, he glanced at Riker.

"Number One, please join me and Mr. McClane in transporter room three."

"Aye sir," Riker said as he rose from the command chair to join them in the turbolift. As he rose he said, "Mister Data, You have the conn."

As the 'lift doors closed, John could see Commander Data easing into the command chair.

Then Picard said, "Transporter room three," and they began to descend.

* * *

As the three men walked into transporter room three, Geordi looked up from where he was studying the transporter console. O'Brien was closing a panel underneath the transporter platform.

"What do you have for us Mister LaForge?" Picard asked as he walked over to the chief engineer.

"Well, to help explain the situation a little better, I should let you know that the primary power loop always has a trickle of power running through it, even when the transporter is in stand-by mode. Even taking it offline wouldn't be enough; we'd have to shut the whole transporter system down to cut the power to it completely. Normally this isn't a problem. In fact it's designed that way intentionally just because it's such a pain in the neck to repower when it's been completely shut down. However, for the purposes of our experiment yesterday, the primary power loop has too many built in safeguards for it to have been useful to us. In terms of the experiment, those safeguards were unnecessary, as we weren't planning on transporting anything alive, and in fact their operation would have prevented us from accomplishing our goals. Therefore, we decided to use the secondary power loop. However, the secondary power loop won't work while the primary one is powered. This is usually fine because the only time the secondary power loop is ever even used is if the primary power loop fails. But in our case, since the primary power loop was still operational, we had to jury rig the system to be able to use the secondary power loop for our experiment. One of the things we did was disable the surge suppression system. Now that system is mostly unnecessary anyway. A power surge in the transporter system caused by an external source is almost unheard of. But it turns out that our disabling it, coupled with a number of exceedingly rare occurrences yesterday, led to a cascade effect that landed us in our current situation," Geordi said, indicating John with a slight nod of his head.

"Now I must say that after working on this problem all of yesterday afternoon, O'Brien and I were really stumped. Fortunately, I developed an unusually severe headache that evening from trying to figure this thing out, so I went to sickbay to get something for it. When I got there, Doctor Crusher was talking to Ensign Lomek who was in one of the biobeds recovering from bad burns he had received earlier in the day. Apparently, he knocked over a vile of acid onto a control panel he was fixing in one of the biology labs, causing it to short out spectacularly. Now that particular system he was working on shares a power subroutine with the transporters. And in fact that short did cause a surge in the system that found its way into the transporter at precisely the same time as yesterdays transport. It cycled around in the system for several seconds before dissipating. Now I knew none of this before hand, because without the surge suppression system in place, the computer didn't even acknowledge that it had happened until I hooked it back up and ran a residual energy scan.

Now even with all that going on, nothing unusual should have happened, and I still had no clue as to why it did. But as I was getting ready for bed last night I happened to look out my viewport. And what I saw made me think. At the time, we were in close proximity to Warren 4006-X3, a large blue giant star. It happens to be quite unstable and will probably be going supernova within a few thousand years. But due to its instability and its proximity to a double black hole, it produces gravimetric waves. Not strong enough to endanger the ship, but for a system as sensitive as the transporters, and especially in the jury rigged condition they were in yesterday, it caused something quite unexpected."

Geordi could see that the captain was eager to hear what he had to say, while Riker had the same eager look, although tinged with slight impatience. John looked as if Geordi was talking in klingon for all that he understood what was being said.

"The power surge caused the trickle of power in the primary power loop to increase beyond a negligible amount. It can be quite dangerous to have the primary and secondary systems running at the same time, because the combined power can overload the system and cause a transport to fail mid cycle. Now the gravimetric waves caused the frequency at which the secondary power loop was operating on to shift to an opposing frequency from the primary power loop. That fortunately prevented the system from overloading. However, it did cause a rather strange and unexpected side effect. O'Brien and I haven't managed to figure out exactly how it happened yet, but during the transport cycle, we managed to create a sizeable amount of chronotons."

"Time travel," Riker said in awe, as he glanced at John.

"Exactly," Geordi replied. "Somehow, we managed to transport Mister McClane here, not only through space, but through time as well."

"Well that would explain the antique weapon he was holding," Riker said. "But it doesn't explain something else."

Riker looked directly into John's eyes as he posed his next question. "If you're from the past," he asked accusingly, "how did you know my name?"

* * *

**A/N:** Please feel free to review this or any other of my stories. I would greatly appreciate any feedback you might have for me.


	5. Chapter 5

John felt very nervous.

For most of Geordi's explanation he had been completely lost, unable to fathom anything the man had said. But as the chief engineer had wrapped it up, John realized that his exploits as a time traveler were being revealed to the whole room. He didn't actually have a problem with that as he wasn't trying to keep it a secret, especially from those who might be able to find a way to send him back home. But now Riker had just caught him in a lie of sorts. How could he possibly know the Commander's name if he was indeed from several centuries in the past?

John sighed as he glanced at the rooms' occupants. He supposed that he could come up with some elaborate ruse to explain his knowledge, but then, these were not stupid people. And for all that he considered himself a damn good detective, lying was not a strong suit of his, especially lying on the spot. It looked like he was going to have to come completely clean.

As he opened his mouth to start explaining, he hoped to hell that he wasn't about to get himself into an even bigger mess.

***** ***** *****

"I am from the past, that much is true," John began as he eyed his audience. "But I'm not from your past. At least I don't think so. I'm not the most knowledgeable guy when it comes to all this science stuff. But what I can tell you is that right before I was beamed aboard your ship, I was watching you," he said, indicating Riker, "Commander LaForge and Chief O'Brien in the transporter room, conducting the experiment Geordi was just discussing."

"You were spying on us?" O'Brien asked.

"No," John defended. "I was watching you on a television show."

"What's television?" Geordi asked.

"Television was a passive entertainment medium that become popular in the mid twentieth century, and had all but died out by the mid twenty first," Picard explained to Geordi.

That wouldn't have been quite the way that John would have explained it, (passive entertainment?) but it got the meaning across.

"I think what Mister McClane here is telling us," Picard continued, "is that to him we are nothing more than actors in a play. That where he comes from, our daily experiences, our lives, are nothing more than entertainment for him and for others."

"I'm still not quite sure I understand," Geordi said, glancing from the Captain and back to John seeking explanation.

"What he means," John said, "is that until yesterday when I was beamed aboard your ship, I had been under the impression that you, your ship and crewmates, all of Starfleet in fact, was nothing more than science fiction. That you were all actors going around doing and saying everything you did because someone had written it in a script. And when the cameras stopped rolling at the end of shooting every day, the lights were turned off and you all went home."

Silence reigned for several seconds in the small transporter room as everyone stared at him incredulously. Riker, who was having an incredibly difficult time believing any of this, was nonetheless a practical man. So instead of dismissing John's wild story outright he asked, "What evidence do you have to back this up?"

"Well how did I know your name and rank?" John asked.

"I can think of several possibilities. Perhaps someone preceded you in traveling from the past, and collected personnel information on half of Starfleet."

"As you might recall," John said slightly angrily at being doubted, "it was your experiment that brought me here. I had no say in the matter. And besides, I know a lot more about you guys than what's written in your personnel files. I have a pretty thorough knowledge of most things that have happened to you and this ship since it was first commissioned."

Picard was the next one to speak. "We have had some experience with alternate timelines in the past," he said to Riker. "In a multiverse with infinite possibilities, I suppose it's possible that in an alternate timeline we are just characters in a 'TV show' as Mister McClane claims. I would imagine the possibility also exists that there is a reality where _he_ is a character in such a show."

Picard paused to gather his thoughts. "Ultimately," he said, addressing John, "it doesn't matter either way, as we need to get you home regardless."

Turning to Geordi and O'Brien, Picard said "I assume that in order to send him back to his own time and place you would need to repeat the transporter process that brought him here, but in reverse."

"Yes sir," Geordi responded, "that seems logical, but it might not be so easy. The first time it happened was a complete accident. Intentionally reproducing all the variables for a second time could be a little difficult."

Geordi glanced at the transporter platform a moment before looking back at the Captain. "But between O'Brien and myself, I'm confident that we should be able to do it within a couple of days. We will need to go back to Warren 4006-X3 though."

"Of course," Picard said while tapping his comm badge.

"Ensign Carlyle, there's been a slight change in plans. Please take us back to our previous location and enter a standard orbit around the star."

"Aye sir," came Carlyle's response.

Picard then looked at Geordi and O'Brien. "Well, gentlemen, we'll leave you to your work." And with that Picard and Riker left the transporter room.

***** ***** *****

John was able to follow the conversation somewhat better this time. While he wouldn't mind going home right now, a few more days on the _Enterprise_ wouldn't be so bad. He could certainly think of worse places to spend his time.


	6. Chapter 6

When John arrived at the holodeck again, he found that it was still in use. This was no surprise to him. If it was at all like it looked like on the show then it was the ultimate fantasy toy. People would probably be using it every chance they could get.

On the external computer terminal he found that there was a sign up list to use the holodeck. The next available slot was tomorrow at 17:00 hours. He signed up for it, just in case he hadn't returned home yet.

As he started walking down the corridor wondering what to do next, his stomach answered for him.

He decided that rather than eat in his room today, he'd try out Ten-Forward. Besides the physiological benefits of being around other people, he was quite eager to meet Guinan.

* * *

Ten-Forward was packed when he got there. There was no place to sit at the bar, but he found an empty seat across a table from a young lieutenant.

"Is it okay if I sit here?" he asked her.

The blonde haired woman looked up from the padd she was intently studying.

"No problem," she said through a mouthful of broccoli, before turning her attention right back to her padd.

A moment later, a waiter came by and took his order; a cheeseburger, small salad and a diet coke. Then as he waited for his food, he did what any good cop did, he scoped the place out.

The room was filled with nearly thirty people; most were human, or at least appeared so, but there were a smattering of aliens mixed in. This included Guinan, behind the bar, who was wearing a large purple floppy hat of some kind. It reminded John of a wilting eggplant.

A moment later the waiter was back with his food and he tucked in.

He had been enjoying his meal for several minutes when the young woman across the table from him wiped her mouth with a napkin and pushed her chair back. Her eyes hadn't left her padd the entire time he had been sitting there, and even as she stood up she continued staring at it. She was about to leave when John said rather snarkily, "Nice eating with you too."

She finally glanced up at him, momentarily confused by his words, before breaking into a sheepish grin.

"I'm sorry," she apologized, "I'm just rather busy with work and…" she paused. "I'm Alana Reese," she said, extending a hand in his direction.

"John McClain," John said shaking the proffered hand.

"You're a civilian, no?" she asked him.

"That's right, just on board for a few days."

"Has anyone shown you around the ship?" she asked.

"I've mostly been exploring it on my own," John admitted.

"Well that's no good," Alana declared. "I'm off at 17:00 hours. I can show you around if you want."

John studied the pretty young lieutenant standing across from him. It had been a while since he had been in the company of a woman, even for something as innocuous as a guided tour.

"Sure," he said. "I'd like that."

"Great," she said flashing a brilliant smile. "Meet me back here at 17:00."

With that said, Alana grabbed her empty plate and left John alone at the table.

_Well that was interesting,_ John thought as he took another bite of his burger.

* * *

By the time John was finished with his lunch, Ten-Forward had emptied out a bit. After dumping his plate into the trash receptacle, he made his way to the bar, where there was now an empty stool.

As he sat down, Guinan made her way over to him, and as she approached, he found himself staring. For all that she was only an occasional guest star on the show, he found her the most intriguing of the bunch. The aura of mystery that always surrounded her appealed to the detective in him.

"What can I get for you?" she asked him, a slightly mysterious smile on her face.

John was about to ask for a beer, but for some reason, he felt like he needed to impress her, and he said, "I'll have a scotch straight up."

"Sure thing," she replied, and went to get his drink.

A moment later she came back with a shot glass filled with an amber liquid.

John took the glass, knowing it was just synthehol, because as the computer had reminded him last night, alcoholic beverages were forbidden upon active Starfleet vessels.

"Thanks," he said, before downing his drink.

He wasn't quite able to suppress the cough that forced its way up his throat. "This is real whiskey!" he exclaimed, as he put the empty glass on the bar.

"You looked like you could use the real thing," Guinan replied.

"I'll say," John agreed. "You wouldn't happen to have a real beer back there too would you?" he asked hopefully.

"No, but I could get you another shot of that if you want" she said, indicating the empty glass.

"Sure," he said accepting her offer.

She came back a moment later and put a half full bottle of scotch in front of him. "Help yourself," she said.

"Thanks," John replied as he refilled his glass.

"You're John McClain, aren't you?" Guinan asked a moment later.

John almost spilled his drink he was so surprised.

"How on Earth did you know that?" he exclaimed.

She smiled that mysterious smile again; it seemed to be saying 'you'd be surprised what I know'.

"You were erroneously beamed aboard the ship yesterday evening."

"I didn't realize that was public knowledge."

"It's not," Guinan replied.

John pondered that for a second but decided not to pursue it.

"Tell me, Mister McClane," Guinan began.

"Call me John," John said.

"Tell me John, what is Earth like in your time? I was unfortunately elsewhere for that century."

* * *

When Lieutenant Alana Reese came back to Ten-Forward at 17:00 hours, John was still at the bar talking to Guinan. He hadn't been monopolizing her time, however; she was attending to the other patrons as needed. But in between said patrons, the two had been talking non-stop. Both found the other fascinating.

Alana walked up to John. "I see you met Guinan," she said cheerily.

John looked over at Alana and smiled. "Yes I have," he replied.

"Hello, Lieutenant," Guinan said to Alana.

"Hello, Guinan," Alana said back.

"Can I get you anything?" Guinan inquired.

"No, thank you," she said politely. "I'm here to pick up John." And then before anyone might get the wrong idea she added, "I'm giving him a guided tour of the ship."

Then she looked at John. "Are you ready?" she asked.

"Sure am," he replied, getting off his stool.

"Great! Then let's go."

* * *

John walked into his cabin and started getting ready for bed.

Lieutenant Reese had indeed known her way around the _Enterprise_. John had always known the ship was big, but after seeing so much of it over the next few hours he began to appreciate just how large it truly was.

After the tour they had gone back to Ten-Forward for some dinner. Reese had ordered for both of them, and when the food came it was still moving. She claimed it was a Klingon delicacy, and he believed her when she said it tasted amazing, but just the same, John preferred his food already dead. So while she ate her Klingon blood crab he feasted on roast chicken.

The meal and the conversation were both good, and John had been feeling quite content. Then Reese had tried to kiss him. Now he realized that as he was in the 24th century, his wife Holly was technically dead (a weird and disturbing thought), leaving him a bachelor again. Just the same, he had decided not to act on the emotions he had been feeling. So after a polite refusal, they had called it a night.

As John turned out the lights and crawled into bed a thought suddenly occurred to him; had he actually decided to become romantic with Lieutenant Reese no one could have blamed him. After all, according to the calendar, it had been several hundred years since he had last been with a woman.


	7. Chapter 7

John entered the gym and looked around. It was a large establishment, taking up more than half a deck. Divided into numerous smaller sections, there were dozens of different activities available, from weightlifting equipment to swimming to rock climbing, mats for yoga and stretching, and many other activities. If Ten-Forward was where the crew went for their emotional well being, then this was where they came for their physical health.

As John was looking around, he noticed a small display to his right. Walking over, he realized that it was a directory. This place was so big, it needed a map to tell you where everything was!

He casually glanced at the list of activities, and was about to head to the basketball court to shoot some hoops, when towards the bottom of the list, something caught his eye; Parrises squares.

John had heard it referenced on the show several times before, but he had never seen the game in action. So he found where in the gym the courts were located and went to check it out.

When he got there, he saw two courts side by side. One of them was empty, but the other one had four players in teams of two battling it out.

He watched for a while, and was finally starting to figure out how it was played, when one of the player's comm badges chirped.

"Ensign Smith, Report to Astrometrics on the double."

Ensign Smith's shoulders drooped as he bid his playmates farewell, and went to change back into his work uniform.

The other three, missing their fourth player, looked like they were about to toss in the towel themselves, when they noticed John standing there.

"Hey, you wanna' play?" a tall black man with bulging muscles asked John hopefully.

"No, thanks," John said. While he _would_ like to play, he didn't want to embarrass himself in front of these people with his lack of skill.

"C'mon man," a reedy redheaded man said. "We need a fourth player."

"Well, it's just that I've never played before," John admitted.

The expressions on the faces of the other three fell. But then the black man turned to the other two and talked quietly for a minute. There was some whispered arguing, and then a moment later he turned back to John. "That's no problem. We can show you how to play, and go easy until you get the hang of it."

John thought it over for a second, before he agreed to play.

"Great," the black man said. He stuck out his hand, then realized it was drenched with sweat and retracted it. "I'm Toby," he said.

"I'm Mark," the redhead said.

"I'm Susan," a lithe blonde woman, the third person in their group, said as she flashed John a smile.

"I'm John," John replied.

"Nice to meet you John," Toby said. "Go suit up so we can get started."

As John headed for the men's locker room to get changed into a Parrises squares outfit, his heart thumped excitedly in his chest. This was going to be fun.

* * *

John groaned as Doctor Crusher prodded his left leg with her fingers. "Definitely a pulled muscle," she said as she looked up from her medical tricorder.

John shot Toby, who had helped him down to sickbay, a dirty look.

In response, Toby shrugged and smiled sheepishly.

Doctor Crusher picked up a hypospray from a nearby tray and put it up to John's leg. "This will help with the pain," she started, "but you should avoid any strenuous activity for the next few days."

As the hypospray hissed it medicine into John's muscle, he felt the pain instantly diminish, before dying away completely a few seconds earlier. He'd have to seriously consider sneaking some of that stuff off the ship. Last time he pulled a muscle, he'd been in pain for days.

"That's it," Doctor Crusher said as she put the hypospray back onto the tray.

"Thanks, Doctor," John said as he hopped off the biobed.

He walked over to where Toby was leaning against the wall.

"Hey, John, I'm sorry," Toby said for the seventh time in ten minutes.

"Yeah well, I know you didn't mean for it to happen, and I'm not in any pain anymore, so don't worry about it."

Toby's frown disappeared and his eyes lit up as he smiled at John. "Thanks, man. Hey listen, next time we'll…"

John cut him off. "No offense Toby, but I don't think there'll be a next time. I think I'd just as rather stick to basketball."

"That's fine," Toby replied. "Parrises squares isn't for everyone. No offense."

There was a few seconds of awkward silence before John said, "Well, I'm gonna' head back to my cabin and take a shower. I'll see you later Toby."

"Alright John, See you later."

As John exited sickbay and headed for the turbolift, he rubbed his leg with wonder. There was no pain at all.


	8. Chapter 8

After John finished his shower, he got dressed and headed to Ten-Forward for some lunch. As he ate a salad filled with salmon chunks, he scanned the room for Lieutenant Reese. She wasn't there, which was just as well; spending more time with her would be playing with fire. John wasn't sure he could live with himself if something happened between the two of them.

Once he was done with his salad, he sat there pondering what he should do next. His holodeck session wasn't until 17 hundred hours, the bridge and engineering were off limits to him, he didn't feel like bowling or swimming, and he couldn't go back to the gym, because Doctor Crusher had said he needed to take it easy for a few days.

John sighed heavily. Who would have believed that one could get bored on a ship this big?

He was about to get up and put his bowl into the recycler and then maybe wander the ship aimlessly, when the doors to Ten-Forward opened and Data walked in. John perked up at this sight. His first encounter with the _Enterprise's _second officer hadn't gone so well; but as he stood, he hoped this time would go better.

"Mister Data," John called as he walked over to the bar.

Data looked up from the drink being placed in front of him, and turned to face John.

"Hello, Mister McClane," Data said by way of greeting. "What can I do for you?"

"Well," John began, "I was wondering if we could just talk for a while. If you have the time." _Boy, that was a real awkward thing to say,_ John thought as he waited for a response.

"I am available right now, yes," Data replied. "About what did you wish to converse?"

"Well, I've always been interested in you, what with you being an android and everything."

Data considered John's statement for a moment with a curious expression on his face. Then like a light bulb turning on, realization dawned. "Ah!" Data said. "Your familiarity with me stems from having watched me on your television; your boob tube. I find it most fascinating that I am nothing more than a character played by a human actor in a show for other people's entertainment. It seems that Shakespeare was more right than he realized when he said that 'all the world is a stage'."

"Well, you seem as real to me as anyone else I've ever met," John replied.

"I will take that as a compliment," Data said as he took a sip from his drink.

"Tell me, Data," John started, "What's it like not having emotions?"

"As I have only ever been without emotions, I do not feel I can adequately describe what it is like, as I have no basis for comparison."

"Oh, right," John said feeling a bit foolish. "Well then, maybe you can answer this: Why is it that you can't say contractions?"

Data was about to reply when his comm badge beeped.

"La Forge to Data. Can you please come to transporter room three?"

"I am on my way Geordi," Data said as he stood up. He looked at John. "I apologize, but I must return to work. Perhaps we can talk again later."

"No problem," John said.

He drummed his fingers absentmindedly on the bar as he watched Data walk away. _Time to find something else to do.

* * *

_

The next few hours kind of Sucked. With nothing in particular to do, John did mostly nothing. He stared out the window for a little while, watching the stars pass at superluminal speeds. He tried to focus on each star as it passed by, but gave up trying when his head started to hurt from the effort.

Next, he went back to his room to listen to some music. When the computer asked him to specify what type of music, he asked it for something current. That had been a mistake. Once he got the computer to stop the noise it was pumping through the speakers, he had settled for Creedence Clearwater Revival. After listening to the mighty John Fogerty belting it out for a while, John realized that his holodeck time was approaching. This of course served to further slow the passage of time, as the anticipation joined in with his boredom to drive him further into the arms of insanity.

A few minutes later he could no longer stand it, and he decided to head over. Maybe the person using the holodeck ahead of him had left early.

When he arrived there, however, it was quite apparent that the holodeck was still in use. By this time John was really starting to lose it, and it took all of his self-restraint to not throttle the next crewman who passed by him in the corridor.

Finally, after what seemed like eons, the sound of the holodeck doors opening caught John's attention, and he practically pounced at the entrance.

Poor Lieutenant Barclay nearly had a heart attack as he stepped out from his latest escapist fantasy.

John had just enough time to toss off a quick 'sorry', before he was in the holodeck, with the big doors closing behind him.

He had several dozen ideas on what program to start with vying for supremacy in his mind as he raised his head upward to address the computer.

But as he was about to open his mouth, his comm badge beeped, and the voice of Picard flooded his ears. "Mister McClane to the bridge."

There was only one logical response that John could think to give to the Captain's untimely request. "OH SHIT!"


	9. Chapter 9

He was going home! That was what Captain Picard had told him when he got to the bridge. Geordi and Chief O'Brian would be finished calibrating the transporter in less than an hour, and then he'd be going back to Brooklyn.

But before he went back, he wanted one last go at engineering.

As he approached the doors to main engineering he glanced around to make sure no one was watching, and then he stepped through.

He had made it! He went a few steps further and then… There it was! Two magnificent stories of pulsing blue power. The warp drive in all its glory! Mesmerized, he started walking towards it as if in a trance. He hardly noticed when a large hand came down on his shoulder. But when it started dragging him away from the beautiful sight before him, he couldn't help but notice.

Looking up, he saw the scowling face of Worf. "You have been told before that you are not allowed in here," the Klingon security chief snarled as he dragged John bodily from engineering.

* * *

John banged his fist against the wall of his cell. Less than an hour remained until he left the ship, and he was back in the brig. It was worth it though. While he had never been technologically inclined, he was always able to appreciate power. The warp drive was practically bursting with it. Now that he had seen it, he could return home satisfied.

As he massaged his fist, he glanced at the small cot that was in his cell and contemplated lying down. _Why not,_ he thought. _Nothing to do now but wait.

* * *

_

"We've run a few simulations, and everything checks out," Geordi said to John as the two of them stood in transporter room 3. Chief O'Brian was also there, as well as Picard, Riker and Doctor Crusher. "There was a slight increase in the ambient magnetic field," Geordi continued, "but it was very minor and shouldn't pose any problems."

"But just to be sure," Doctor Crusher began as she waved her medical tricorder in front of her, "I'll be monitoring your vital signs in case anything should go wrong."

Riker stepped forward with John's gun in his hands. "I think this is yours," he said, offering John the weapon.

"Thanks," John said, as he accepted it. He absentmindedly gave the barrel a loving caress as he stuffed it into the waistband of his pants.

"I want to apologize again for this…" Picard paused, looking for the right word. "Unexpected incident," he finished. "I hope we didn't inconvenience you too much with your accidental hijacking Mister McClane."

"Actually," John responded, "this has been quite an experience. I never thought I'd be aboard the _U.S.S. Enterprise._ And it's been an honor to meet you and your crew." John uncharacteristically thrust his hand out. Picard grasped it firmly and the two shook hands. Then John walked onto the transporter platform.

As he stood there he glanced around the room, taking in what would probably be his last view of the twenty-fourth century.

There was Riker, hands clasped behind his back; Crusher next to him, eyes glued to her medical tricorder; Picard, standing prominently, looking very much like a captain should; and Geordi, looking over O'Brian's shoulder as the transporter chief finished the transport preliminaries.

"Beginning transport," O'Brian said a moment later. John felt the transporter beam begin to take him. It fluctuated for a second, and he saw O'Brian increase the power slightly. Just then, an alarm sounded.

"The magnetic field is increasing rapidly," O'Brian said, slightly panicked.

"Shut it down!" Geordi exclaimed.

"No, I can still finish the transport safely," O'Brian replied.

John could feel his molecular bonds dissolving as the transporter effect fully took hold of him.

Just as the room started fading from his sight, he heard a surprised shout, and then a fast moving object struck him right in the head.


	10. Epilogue

John woke up with a pounding headache. He looked at the clock on the end table next to the couch. Apparently, it was three in the morning. But why the hell did his head hurt so much?

For a few seconds he just sat there staring at the television screen, which was only showing static at the moment. Then, as if a live electrical wire had just been jammed into his spine, he sat bolt upright as the events of the past few days tumbled back into his head.

In a sudden panic, he lunged for the remote control and tried to turn off the tv set. It appeared as if the remotes' batteries were still dead.

Undeterred, he leaped over the coffee table, and not even bothering with the power button, just unplugged the whole tv before collapsing to the floor.

As he sat there, head pounding and heart racing, he suddenly felt very foolish. Surely it had just been a very vivid dream…hadn't it?

Using the wall for assistance, he regained his footing and started heading for the bathroom to get ready for bed.

He had taken no more than two steps when he saw something that stopped him dead in his tracks. On the floor in front of the couch lay a most peculiar object.

Placing one shaky foot in front of the other, he made his way over to the object in question and bent down to pick it up. As he straightened back up, he felt himself break out in a cold sweat.

In his hand, John McClane was holding a Starfleet medical tricorder, standard issue.

* * *

A/N: Thank you very much for reading my story! I hope you enjoyed reading it as much as I enjoyed writing it!


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